I was about 34 years old the first time it felt like my whole world was crumbling.
I was on the freeway on my way to a class I was taking at the time. I was crying on the phone with my coach because I didn’t want to fucking go. I was exhausted and stressed out, mentally and emotionally, but if I didn’t go then it probably meant I was avoiding something that I should definitely be working on and I’d be slowing down my progress on becoming a better version of myself.
Phew! Just writing that is exhausting!
Meanwhile, I was still managing being a wife, raising our 5 children who were all still living at home, working part time, going to school full time, working out 5 times a week, cooking and eating all the right things, and participating in a pretty intense personal growth program.
Because you know what they say… you truly CAN have it ALL if you’re willing to DO ALL that it takes, right?!
I didn’t know any better during that time. I thought that was how it was supposed to be. This was what I needed to do to become the best mom and woman that I could be. I just had to keep pushing through in order to make my mark and be the best that I could be for my family.
Go go go… Keep going, keep pushing, keep doing…
And then go to bed at night completely exhausted and drained – because that was the sign of a mom’s job well done.
Not an ounce left to tap.
But something shifted that day on the freeway. I was so tapped out that day, in tears, trying to get to my destination – I shouldn’t even have been driving.
I pulled off into a gas station parking lot to finish crying and to breathe. Something had to give. And eventually it did.
Up until that point I had spent my entire life loving everyone else so hard, I never thought for a moment about what it would be like to actually love myself. I had been willing to sacrifice my entire being as a woman to make sure that everyone else was taken care of and that life was on the “right” track.
I was so caught up in it all that I didn’t even realize I was running myself into the ground, and I was taking my family with me.
It wasn’t long after that when my marriage fell apart and life started to take a different shape.
But it was that new and different shape that eventually led to learning a new and different kind of love – for myself for once.
Now listen, I don’t believe that everything has to fall apart the way that it did for me in order to learn this lesson. Sometimes though, things must shatter in order to be put back together in a more workable way.
And what if we viewed this reckoning as a beautiful path to our power? Could that be such a bad thing?
That day began the most beautiful journey of self love and discovery of my life.
And now I’m here to share the message that you don’t have to do it that way! You don’t have to run yourself into the ground to be nourished AND successful.
But maybe you already are. Especially during these uncertain times of COVID isolation.
If I had known there was another way, I would have started that journey a lot sooner and I could have given my family a more nourished and nourishing version of myself. Thankfully we all get to have that now, but it didn’t happen overnight.
So how do you get there… how do you be someone who is giving her all in life without losing all of herself along the way?
First of all, whoever that person is that you think you’re striving to be – take a deep breath and look in the mirror…
You’re already her. Breathe that in.
The next step is awareness. Are you running yourself into the ground to be worthy and measure up? If you’re questioning it or you’re not sure, you probably are.
So let’s dig in a little deeper and ask yourself some questions…
Are you lit up and inspired by your life and the path that you’re on?
If not, why and where can you start to make some shifts?
A great place to look could be to get reconnected to WHY you’re doing all that you do in the first place. If you’re not sure, it’s time to get some clarity!
What is your WHY?
Why do you do all of the work that you do?
Why is it important for you to be your best self?
Is it your kids/family? Or the relationships in your life?
Your business, your passion?
Sometimes we lose sight of our bigger picture goals and in this space it’s hard to stay clear and focused.
Where can you take a step back, take a break, cut some things out, re-evaluate and reorganize? Make a list and start where you can.
*If you are interested in taking a deeper, more intimate dive into this topic for yourself, you can download my FREE Self Care Compass Workbook HERE!*
Consider that you can actually accomplish more by doing less! I know, I know. This one has taken me a long time to understand. Just trust me and try it!
Often when there’s so much that we want to accomplish, we tend to overfill our schedules and be on the GO all the time. And yes, sometimes there really is a LOT to do. But while being busy sometimes feels like we’re getting things done, we might actually just be spinning our wheels.
I have found that the more I make time to just rest and BE, the more inner fuel I have to deal with my life and prioritize on a daily basis. It’s in this calmer state of mind that I can see what really needs to happen instead of just being busy and feeling like everything is important when it’s not!
When your own cup is filled first, it’s easier to give where and who you need and want to give to. But remember that you are responsible for your own nourishment – and so are they!
So where do you need to provide for yourself first?
Start with some simple steps like finding time for some of that exercise that you love, waking up a little early to watch the sunrise or to do some meditating or journaling. Start small and work your way up to your first solo vacation, or whatever it is that you think you don’t deserve or could never do. Do that!
What do you need to feel loved and nourished? How can you give that to yourself now?
Start to make these small practices until they become your way of life. Because the truth is that you really can have all of the things that you desire and you’re already worthy of them all now.
You just have to be the one who believes it and that comes through your own journey of self love.
I believe in you.
PS. If you are interested in taking a deeper, more intimate dive into this topic for yourself, you can download my FREE Self Care Compass Workbook HERE!