All of my ideas about love were wrong.
When you grow up in chaos, it can take years to rewrite your stories.
For me, romantic, happy love was only on TV,
I thought love meant dysfunction and pain, lies and abuse,
that no one ever stayed,
and that words weren’t meant to have value.
For a while, the relationships I had in my life were proof that love was something completely out of my realm
And underneath all of that was the story that I wasn’t worthy of it anyway
Because for years I had an underlying inner dialogue that said I wasn’t good enough
And the list of reasons I had to support that belief and the places that came from were endless.
I wasn’t worthy of being valued, honored and respected the way other people might be.
So I chose men and situationships that aligned perfectly with those beliefs
And in turn I would end up heartbroken, proving it all to be true.
Then I started doing a different kind of work.
Where I got to know myself a little deeper, spent more time alone, took myself on dates, and started looking for, and eventually seeing, my own value
I started taking note of my experiences, my wants & needs, and made a list of the things I truly wanted in a relationship
I stopped saying yes when I meant no,
And I stopped ignoring red flags instead of using them to decorate
I stopped staying in places that didn’t align with my values,
And I started honoring myself the way I wanted to be honored.
Over the past two years, the relationship I have with myself, my beliefs around love, and my inner dialogue has completely changed
And what I know now is that I am not a victim of my relationships because I’m the one who chooses and creates them
What I know now is that words and actions matter and have value..
That it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person.
That I get to rewrite the story of love as many times as I want/need,
And that none of it will be as seen on TV or as seen in my past.
And thank God for that.
Is it time to rewrite your story around love and what you’re worthy of? Because you are worthy of it all.