It will be 10 years this year since my divorce from a 15 year marriage. I was pretty open about my experience during that time, as well as my journey since then, and so over the years multiple women & friends have reached out to me in their own separations looking for support.
I am by NO means an expert in this area, but I am someone who’s been through it and I now sit on the other side having healed many parts of myself that were broken during that process.
What I can tell you now, that you can’t always see when you’re in the middle of it all, is that sometimes the most painful experience leads to the greatest gifts.
So this is my letter to you, the brokenhearted…
The one who sits in an empty house for the first time,
The one who has to send off her children for the weekend for the first time,
The one who has to figure out how to keep the house, or whether it’s better to move on and start fresh,
The one who has to go from being the stay-at-home-mom to being self sufficient on her own and has no idea where to start or how long that road will be,
The one who has no idea who she is now.
The one who feels like love will never come to her door again,
because she’s already done it and she’s all used up,
The one who feels a pain she’s never felt before, a brokenness inside, a hole so deep there doesn’t seem to be an end,
and this feels like the end…
My friend, this could be the most beautiful beginning.
I know it hurts, but this is your chance to feel.
I know it feels loney, but this is where your friends become real.
Your kids will be okay, and they want to know that you will be too,
Share with them the realness, the rawness, tell them it’s ALL okay and that things will get better some day.
Let them have their experience as you have yours.
The house, the car, the ‘things,’ you don’t get to take them with you in the end anyway…
This is your time to discover and create who you are in this world – for YOU.
But you don’t have to know right now. Any of it.
You don’t have to know where you’re going or how it will all end up.
It’s okay to just get through this day, this moment, this breath.
Love is all around you – your kids, your family, your friends, but most of all love is within yourself.
This is your time to love yourself like never before.
Take yourself on dates, on walks, on drives, cry it out, dance it out, eat your favorite meals, eat the ice cream, take the baths, burn the candles, take the trips.
Be happy, be sad, be angry and mad.
Learn to be alone, especially if you never have before,
you might even grow to love it,
But I promise you it won’t be forever.
I promise you none of this is forever.
You will get through and come out a new version of you.
The time will come when you’re ready again for what’s next.
And you will wake up one day in a new life that you never saw before or thought possible,
And it could be more beautiful than it’s ever been.
But for now, embrace it all, reach out if you need support, a shoulder or an ear, and know that you are loved.